Have you ever had one of those "a-ha" moments when you read something that strikes you in such a way that it completely changes your outlook on things? One of those moments when you realize that you've been doing it all wrong.....and you hope that you haven't damaged your children irreversibly in the process! (please say I'm not the only one....)
A friend of mine linked to an article on facebook from Meridian Magazine called "Godly Parenting: Compassion for Humanness" by Wallace Goddard. The title intrigued me enough to click over and check out the link, and I was so glad I did. I quickly skimmed through before leaving to pick up a child from school yesterday and I have re-read it three times since then (with a lot of time spent pondering in between).
It is really SO GOOD!
Apparently it is part of a series of articles on Godly Parenting and Compassion, but I feel like I need to absorb and incorporate this one before I start on something new! Otherwise I will get overwhelmed and not make the changes I need to make.
I am in the midst of the battle right now. Parenting teenagers is quite possibly THE HARDEST THING I have ever done! In my zeal to set boundaries and be the tough guy, I am afraid that I have forgotten compassion.
Unfortunately, it is easy to do.
I feel like I am a much more relaxed parent of 7 yr. old Savannah than I was when Shelby was seven. After trial and error, I know there are so many things that just do not matter. This morning Savannah spilled a cup of orange juice all over the counter and down onto the floor. When Shelby was little, I am afraid I would have yelled at her for making a mess. With Savannah, I said "uh-oh, sometimes that happens. Be more careful next time." and then handed her a towel and helped her clean it up.
So what does this say about me as I parent Shelby through the teenage years?
I am sure there will be oh so many things that I will wish I could change by the time I look back on this era through the eyes of a seasoned mother. I wonder if she has spent her whole life under my much too harsh judgement feeling like she can never measure up to my impossible standards and thus, not even trying.
If anyone needed compassion for humanness, it was Shelby.
When I think about the legacy I want to leave her with as she prepares to head off to college, it is simply this...
She is loved.
I can only hope that in my well-meaning, yet blundering efforts, that message has been able to get through.
2 comments:
That's funny, I know Wallace Goddard. Basically he's an inlaw of an inlaw of mine. Neat guy, neat family...Janine, you are a wonderful mom. Shelby is lucky to have you!
AMEN! Thanks for sharing - raising teenagers (or any children for that matter) is so difficult. I have said many times that I hope my children succeed in life despite the kind of parent I have been. I remind my kids all of the time that I am not perfect and I'm learning too!
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