A Soggy Back to School

The first day of school was nothing short of miserable this year. It was pouring down rain for most of the day and I woke up early stressing about everything that needed to be done. This year was different than the previous ones for me....I found myself dreading sending my kids back to school.

This is the year that I wanted to stop time.

After taking two teenagers through summer vacations, I have realized that summer is a form of detox from the world. They face so many trials and bad influences at school that it is difficult for them to withstand them all and in the end, they end up compromising. By the time school gets out I am rallying my troops, making plans for church camps, EFY and family activities in the hope that I can replenish them. That is what summer is about for me....reminding my children that they can live in the world and still hold tight to their family's values. I only wish that summer could be 9 months and school would be 3 months!

So as I hugged Joshua goodbye on his first day of 7th grade, my heart ached. He will enter teenage-hood during the middle of this school year on his birthday. This was my last carefree summer with him. He is so good, and I want to stop time and keep him that way. My heart breaks when I think of the struggles and trials that his older brother and sister have faced. I desperately want to protect him from evil and I feel more and more incompetent in my abilities to do that. My fortifications with the others have not been enough and I am unsure how to best prepare my children to withstand the world. My feelings of inadequacy brought me to tears so many times yesterday.

Savannah and Samuel were excited to meet their teachers but a little nervous since we didn't get a chance to go in beforehand and find their classrooms. Chris and I had to divide and conquer on this one since they are in different schools starting at the same time. I was grateful for the gift of cell phones to keep us connected so Chris would know how Savannah did and I would know how Samuel did.

Caleb did not start school on the first day. A few weeks ago, Chris and I made one of those heart-wrenching parental decisions and chose to remove him from the governor's school where he has been studying the arts and bring him back to his home high school for his junior and senior year. There were a lot of things involved in that decision, more than I want to get into on here, but we both agreed this was the best course of action. Knowing that did not make the decision any easier though, because we knew it would be difficult for Caleb, and our hearts ached for him.

Due to the storms, the transfer between schools did not happen till after school started, so now Caleb will be starting school today, on the third day. I have cried more times than I want to admit over the last two days, empathizing with my children's pain and mourning the intrusions on their innocence. Maybe it is just the fact that I am older and more knowledgable now of the dangers they face; it has torn me up inside.

Today will be another stressful day, one I wish I could stay in bed for and not have to face. It will be Caleb's first day of school at a new school and we will be going with Shelby to deal with some of the aftermath of the choices she made during the summer.

I think I have had enough of the pain and stress of motherhood for now.....it is about time for some of the joy!